Mating in Captivity

Mating in Captivity is both a cultural critique and a survival manual for modern love. Esther Perel shows that passion doesn’t disappear because we stop loving—it fades because we stop seeing. Desire lives in the tension between closeness and separateness, familiarity and mystery. To sustain it, couples must reclaim imagination, play, and risk. The erotic isn’t a luxury—it’s a vital expression of aliveness that nourishes relationships and the self.

Perel invites us to see long-term love not as a trap but as an art form—one that requires curiosity, humor, and courage. By embracing paradox rather than resolving it, couples can transform domestic life from captivity into a sanctuary for desire. Love may bring stability, but eroticism brings life.

Esther Perel is a Belgian-born psychotherapist, bestselling author, and one of the world’s leading voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages and the daughter of Holocaust survivors, Perel brings a profound cross-cultural perspective to her work. Her TED Talks—The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship and Rethinking Infidelity—have over 40 million views, making her one of the most influential contemporary thinkers on intimacy and sexuality.

She has spent over four decades counseling couples worldwide and has authored two acclaimed books: Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Perel also hosts the award-winning podcast Where Should We Begin?, which gives listeners a window into real-life therapy sessions. Her work redefines the language of love and desire, showing that erotic intelligence—the ability to integrate passion, play, and intimacy—is one of the most important skills in sustaining modern relationships.