Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High Book Summary

Book Summary

15 min

Audio available

Brief Summary

To avoid difficult conversations turning into attack-battles, you must learn the techniques to create a safe space for free-talk and mutual respect. Once you do that, solving problems is a piece 0f cake!

About the Author

Kerry Patterson is a prolific writer who is the author of numerous articles and award-winning training programs. He was a professor at Brigham Young University’s Marriott School of Management. He co-founded Interact Performance Systems and Vital Smarts, an innovator in corporate training and leadership development. He is the author of multiple New York Times bestselling business books. He was awarded the Mentor of the Year Award and the 2004 William G. Dyer Distinguished Alumni Award from Brigham Young University.

Topics

Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High Book Summary Preview

Key Insights

Ok, let’s admit it, sometimes it’s hard to have those tough conversations.

Like, how do you even bring up those heavy topics that make want to scream in frustration and lash out in anger?

Seriously, there are just some topics that make people lose it on one another, even if they’re usually pretty level-minded individuals.

So, how do we deal with these issues? What is the right way of approaching these problems?

In “Crucial Conversations”, Kerry Patterson lays the basis for how to have these tear-jerking fist-throwing conversations in a healthy way.

“This is the first principle of dialogue—Start with Heart. That is, your own heart. If you can’t get yourself right, you’ll have a hard time getting the dialogue right.”- Kerry Patterson

You’ll go from steaming from the ears to calm as a cucumber with Kerry’s high-valued advice.

Irrational Responses From Crucial Topics

If you’re like many of us, you’ve had what has started out with a conversation with your significant other and halfway through, you realize you’re actually in the midst of an argument. This is what we call a crucial conversation because it is drenched in intense emotion.

If we don’t manage these crucial conversations they can be destructive to our relationships.

It is hard to think rationally when you are bombarded with one of these hard-to-deal-with topics. A rush of adrenaline is automatically sent through the body, which heightens our responses. The body goes into fight-or-flight mode because of the intense energy, which leads to super speedy decision-making and eliminates rational thinking.

People who can master crucial conversations are better able to lead because they are trained to think rationally under stress. And, similarly, couples who can have those tough conversations calmly together, are more likely to stay together for the long-haul.

Freely Share Information

When you are participating in a crucial conversation, it is most important to share freely without the fear of hurting another person’s feelings or being criticized.

“The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.”- Kerry Patterson

Sharing this information freely leads to more informed, rational, and ‘right’ decisions because both parties have all the information laid out in front of them.

When information is shared freely, people are more likely to commit to making solutions and exploring all available options. It becomes problem-solving rather than a shouting match.

And, even if the solution to the problem chosen, you don’t fully agree with, you will give it a try because you were part of the decision-making process.

Stay Focused On Your Goal

Anytime that you are bombarded by an opposing idea, you must remember your goal. Just getting angry from the initial attack will not solve anything!

Take a moment to breathe and remember what you want to get from the words you’re about to put into the conversation. Make sure they align with your goal and are not stemming from anger.

Also, be sure to identify what you don’t want to happen. For example, if you don’t want your partner to walk out...