Shameless Book Summary

Book Summary

15 min

Brief Summary

We were all born with the ability to experience sexual pleasure. It is natural, and it should be something that can be discussed openly, even within the church. People of every sexual orientation, gender identity, and marital status should be able to explore that aspect of themselves without being made to feel ashamed of it. By making some changes, the church can become an entity that offers support, not judgment.

About the Author

Nadia Bolz-Weber is a Lutheran pastor and the founder of Denver, Colorado's House for all Sinners and Saints. Three of her books have been placed on the New York Times bestsellers list.

Bolz-Weber was raised in Colorado Springs, Colorado, in a fundamentalist Christian family. Her feeling misunderstood by this religion led to a lot of self-destructive behavior, including drug and alcohol abuse.

She became sober in 1991. Even in dark times, she always felt a connection to God, and when she was delivering the eulogy for a friend who had committed suicide in 2004, she felt called to the ministry. Four years later, she became an ordained pastor.

She then founded House for all Sinners and Saints, a church that welcomes people of all sexual orientations, as well as those who struggle with drug addiction, depression, and even with their belief in God. She travels the world speaking at conferences about faith, feminism, and the idea that both of these things can exist at the same time.

Topics

Religion & Spirituality Sex & Relationships

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Key Insights

When it comes to sex, most people (especially those who have grown up with ties to the church) feel an instant surge of shame. This is because sex is a "taboo topic." It is either not spoken about at all, or it is spoken about in negative ways that make people feel judged and as if they have done something wrong.

In Shameless: A Case for Not Feeling Bad About Feeling Good (About Sex), author and Lutheran pastor Nadia Bolz-Weber takes Christian teachings about sex and sensuality and turns them on their head. Religion was seemingly designed to make you feel guilty about many things — most of all your own sexuality — but you don't have to feel this way.

Everyone from teenagers to the elderly experience sexual desires, thoughts, and fantasies, and these things should not be considered shameful. Bolz-Weber's book shows how you can embrace, not just your own passions, but others' as well. She offers a more inclusive approach to modern-day sexuality citing examples from the scriptures that were once used as reprimands and condemnations.

She offers the church a new way to approach sexuality that may very well create an environment in which both teenagers and adults are freer to discuss their feelings and experiences.

Sex Isn't One-Size-Fits-All

The church's view on sex is very rigid. Those who are not married should not have sexual intercourse and should abstain from everything of a sexual nature. If you engage in sexual activity before you are married, you are a sinner, and the same is equally (or perhaps even more) true for those who are homosexual, transgender, or just simply not "straight."

But these views are not reflective of today's real, current society. This disparity between what the church tells people to do and what they feel in their own body and mind causes great distress to many people. It makes them feel unworthy, inadequate, and ashamed.

Bolz-Weber uses the following example to illustrate her point:

Imagine that a school chooses a new uniform for its students. The only problem is, this uniform only comes in one size. The students have to wear it or face punishment, but for some of them it is too large, for others it is too small, and for others, it is just plain uncomfortable.

This is the same situation that many find themselves in with the church. The church's approach to sexuality is not something that works for everyone, which leads to some perfectly moral, upstanding people denying aspects of themselves that help to make up who they are as a person.

Some people want to share intimacy with another person before they are married. Others may be attracted to people of the same gender. Still, others don't identify as the gender listed on their birth certificate. The "uniform" supplied to them by the church makes them feel uncomfortable. It doesn't fit. And this makes them ashamed and can lead to them feeling lost and lonely or worse — harming themselves.